“I don’t miss the work… but I do miss who I was.”
It’s a quiet admission—but one I hear often.
For many people, retirement doesn’t feel like a clean break. It feels like something more subtle—and more unsettling.
A loss of identity.
The Role You Didn’t Realize You Were Playing
For decades, your work did more than fill your time.
It answered the question:
“Who am I?”
- I’m a CEO.
- I’m a physician.
- I’m a teacher.
- I’m the person people rely on.
Your title wasn’t just functional.
It was deeply personal.
It shaped:
- How others saw you
- How you saw yourself
- Where you felt you belonged
And then, one day, it’s gone.
Why Retirement Can Feel Disorienting
Most retirement planning focuses on finances.
But almost no one prepares you for this moment:
When someone asks,
“So, what do you do?”
And you hesitate.
Not because you don’t have an answer—
but because the old answer no longer fits.
This is where many people begin to feel:
- Uncertain
- Less visible
- Disconnected from their past sense of importance
Not because they’ve lost their value—
but because they’ve lost the language of their value.
The Identity Gap
As a corporate anthropologist, I’ve seen this pattern again and again.
When people leave work, they don’t just lose a role.
They enter what we might call an identity gap:
The space between who they were…
and who they have not yet become.
This space can feel uncomfortable.
But it is also where transformation begins.
Why Titles Matter More Than We Admit
Titles organize our lives in ways we rarely notice.
They:
- Give us status
- Create structure
- Signal expertise
- Anchor our relationships
Without them, many people feel like they’ve lost their footing.
And yet—this is also the moment of possibility.
Because without a title…
you are no longer confined by one.
From Defined to Designed
Retirement offers a rare opportunity:
To move from a life that was largely defined by your role
to one that is designed by your choices.
But that shift doesn’t happen automatically.
It requires intention.
Instead of asking:
“What was I?”
The more powerful question becomes:
“Who am I becoming?”
Rebuilding Identity: A Practical Starting Point
Here’s a simple way to begin.
Instead of defining yourself by your past title, explore these four dimensions:
- What do I care deeply about now?
Not what you used to care about—but what matters today.
- Where do I still want to contribute?
Who needs your experience, insight, or presence?
- What energizes me?
What gives you a sense of aliveness, curiosity, or engagement?
- How do I want to be known?
Not by a title—but by qualities, impact, and relationships.
This is how identity begins to shift—from something assigned…
to something intentionally created.
A Story I Hear Often
Many retired executives tell me a similar story.
They step away from their role expecting relief.
And they do feel it—for a while.
But then something unexpected happens.
They find themselves:
- Reaching out to former colleagues
- Wanting to “stay involved”
- Missing the conversations, not just the work
What they are really missing is not the job.
It’s the identity that came with it.
The Opportunity Inside the Discomfort
If this stage feels uncertain, it’s not a problem to solve.
It’s a transition to move through.
In anthropology, we understand that identity is not fixed—it evolves across life stages.
Retirement is one of those moments.
A threshold.
A space where you are no longer who you were—
but not yet fully who you will become.
And that space, while uncomfortable, is also rich with possibility.
A New Way to Introduce Yourself
Here’s a small but powerful shift.
The next time someone asks, “What do you do?”
try answering differently.
Not with a title…
but with a story.
- “I’m exploring how to use my experience in new ways.”
- “I’m focused on mentoring and giving back.”
- “I’m designing what this next chapter looks like.”
It may feel unfamiliar at first.
But it opens the door to a more authentic—and expansive—identity.
Closing Reflection
Perhaps the real question is not:
“Who am I without my title?”
But:
“Who am I, now that I’m free to choose?”
Call to Action
If this resonates, you’re not alone—and there is a way to navigate this transition with intention.
In Rethink Retirement: It’s Not the End—It’s the Beginning of What’s Next, I explore how identity, purpose, structure, and community come together to shape a meaningful next chapter.
You can learn more here: https://www.andisimon.com/rethink-retirement/
Or join us in an upcoming webinar or masterclass, where we work through these ideas together in a practical, supportive way.
